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Submitted on
December 19, 2012
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Skin flakes away like paper mache,
            Within the darkness that has swallowed the day.
                         Left there since September,
                         Hiding there in mid December.

Lying there in her hollowed chest, rests a home for the bees.
           An incubator created from the deceased.
                       Flesh gives way, revealing the colony-
                       Each and every bee, they are happy.

The gentle creatures rest upon her skin.
            Her body a shell, a frozen in time sin.
                        She never felt complete, a lady barren.
                        Her fists clenched, her eyes staring.

Blood-clogged fingernails and throat slashed suggests
             What's always been the obvious guess.
                         It's the mantra the family sang
                         When the jury refused to let him hang.

Her carcass is taxed by nature.
            The toll of the weather is a sadistic satyr.
                         She is only a vessel to them, nothing more.
                         The sky weighs heavy with clouds- the rains pour.

The bees whisper their necromancy,
            Echoing throughout the kingdom's hierarchy.
                         With them she's come alive, though not quite the same.
                         Like an abandoned house, with staring windowpanes.

With the rain her scent has become sour.
           As time slows, as clocks drip the hour,
                        Obsidian cloaks the aphotic sky.
                        She's a protector to them when predators are nigh.

The sun shines and the trees sway.
            The ground is littered with her decay.
                         Their low humming is a gentle caress
                         To a disfigured girl in her favorite Sunday dress.

Bones become as fragile as glass,
            As the December winds pass.
                          Now in full bloom are the apple trees.
                          Her memory is carried away with the breeze.

It truly is glorious.
            Even though murdered, she is still victorious.
                         The sound of bees... although the rustle of leaves smother
                         She bares a smile. She's finally a mother.
Sublime at its finest.
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Student Writer
Alright, I'm so sorry for taking so long to give you a critique but here we go -

First glance: I am curious to why the stanzas are shaped the way the are but if this is about bees (the title made me think so) then I think I know why, but can't really explain it.

Vision - I give this four.five stars because the imagery is superb and really spot on. - I could see what was going on. The only thing holding it back from being a five is that I can't really figure out a meaning, to sum this whole poem up. That is just me though...I seem to have a hard time figuring out meanings with poetry sometimes. (and perhaps I am looking too deeply?)

Technique - I give this five stars because the way the stanzas are set up is perfect and makes a lot of sense. The rhyme scheme is very normal, but helps it flow really well.

Impact - I give this four.five stars because it actually struck a little something in me which is rare for me with poetry, or just reading anything in general. The poem blew me away quite a bit.

Originality - I give this five stars because this is one if the most original poems I have ever read.

Overall - this poem is a four.seven out of five. The wording is amazing and I'm shocked it didn't even place! The judges must have had bad taste in poetry. Anyways, I really love the imagery. It's probably one of the biggest highlights of the poem to me. I don't think this needs fixed at all - I found nothing wrong with it. Keep up the great work! :l:
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Student Writer
*** :la:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The imagery in this is superb and that last line is absolutely perfect. Amazing work.
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:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks! I wrote it for a state competition. It didn't place, but I was still very pleased with it.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
how could you not place? :noes: this is unbelievable!
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