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December 30, 2012
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I.
The sun stretches her caressing hands.
Balancing on the horizon, it seems.
Last rays of day scatter across the lands.

As through a glacier, the light gleams
Over meadows and memories past,
Dripping off cardinal's wings into azure streams.

Galloping alongside stallions unsurpassed,
Golden beams falling with prancing leaves
And slipping into cracks of canyons vast.

Shadow wraps around illumination like sleeves.
Billows as smoldering incense in sacred art.
The day has left, has hastened like ghosts and thieves.

Shade stands resolute and rampart.
Rapt with the veiled, vanquished moon.
Hidden in devious clouds, the waves devoid of heart.

Luna moths glow like enchanted rune.
Catatonic branches creak languid and livid.
Stillness will be overtaken soon.


II.
Rapturous applause is thunder; vivid
Echoes shake the stagnant air—
Bludgeoning and blasting what was once timid.

Rhythmic electricity fractures the sky with flare
To maze its way down, pricking Earth.
Stars hide their shine in such dark affair.

Chaos ensues henceforth.
Controlled by frostbitten winds, rain spins
And baptizes this world in forlorn rebirth.

Like Flamenco dancers, grass begins
To bend and curve in one accord.
Volcanic, this gale erupts from within.

Gouging and thrashing as a wicked sword,
Hills are left with scars and laceration.
No life has dared in this raging tempest stirred.

As a blooming carnation,
Fledglings stretch and shake back to life.
Followed by the rest of creation.

III.
As if removing a veil, lilies shed strife—
(Only remnants of the storm lie in puddles of debris.)
Bursting with bluebird harmony of lyre and fife.

Hues of ruby scintillate from apple trees.
Butterflies like careless gypsies dance
Through wind carrying the chorus of millions' jubilee.

Splendor of nature is captured in all but a glance.
Sunflowers turn to greet their coveted sphere
And remain lost in her captivating trance.

Fawns bow in grateful prayer
And in the sequoia kingdom they scurry
Not thinking about there, but relishing here.

Chasing invisible fairies,
Pups bite air and
Found treasures they bury.

Oak giants, across land, are spanned--
In humble communion they stand.
…It stormed last night.

I get very intimate when it comes to nature, I'm in love with it.

Anyway, a Terza Rima written for day 30 of #ProjectDFC

[link]

I'd like some feedback on this one, I want to improve it :)

**DAILY DEVIATION?!**
I'm flabergasted! Until a few hours ago I didn't even know what a DD was until informed. I'm honored! A big thanks to :iconreflectionsinwater: for suggesting this and :iconbeccalicious: for the feature :)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-11
Sharing Communion Amongst Creation -DFC Day 30 by ~ThomasInTheClouds Suggester Writes: The natural imagery in this Terza Rima is just beautifully described and captured within here to describe passion and fantasy. ( Suggested by reflectionsinwater and Featured by Beccalicious )
:iconzee-who:
Zee-Who Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist
Congrats on your Daily Deviation!:squee::heart:
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you :) I'm grateful beyond expressible language
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:thumbsup:
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:icontitanium-alex:
Titanium-Alex Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
This is...pure amazing. It gave me tingles down my spine & goosebumps - I don't know how you can share such close-to-your-heart things here on dA, but this is a Daily Deviation well deserved, and I'm not at all sorry I saw it.
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you :) I just now learned what a DD is, so I feel very undeserving, but very happy. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
Reply
:icontitanium-alex:
Titanium-Alex Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013
Don't feel undeserving! This is...amazing!
Reply
:iconsoftcaramelkisses:
softcaramelkisses Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know nothing about 'Tera Rima' or traditional forms of poetry but this poem is masterly crafted and fluently spoken! Absolutly Beautiful in so many ways! I felt like I was in touch with American Indian's and their land and the environment, that surrounds them.This poem moved me inside. Thank you 'Thomas In The Clouds' :) Very impressive! I love it :) :) :)
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad I could incite so Muhammad emotion in you with this :)
Reply
:iconsoftcaramelkisses:
softcaramelkisses Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your most welcome! I look forward in reading more of your poetry as I came across your piece of writing through a group. Glad I looked you up! Keep up your beautifully crafted workmanship in your gift of writing! :) :) :)
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you! It's quite an honor that people view my simple musings with such joy :)
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:love:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ASDFJSHGAJKELWKGJERGJHSDJGHLHEWUFSHLDJFWE

I'M ON THE COMPUTER TOO LATE AT NIGHT BUT I'M FLIPPING OUT
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congratulations on the DD dearest! I'm so proud of you :tighthug:
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Haha thanks :) I've been at work and just now saw this. I'm honored though I don't quite know what a Daily Deviation is...
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well: [link]

it's a recognition of some of the best talent on the website :)
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
:-0
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My gosh. You seriously made this form your own in the loveliest way. It feels incredibly natural. You used so much imagery, which seems to often be a struggle to include in forms. This is all wonderfully quotable and fantastic. I appreciated that you continued the rhyme scheme, even through the different segments.

I have two little notes. The first I noticed only because you went above and beyond in your stanzas: in a few of the ones in the first section, every line ends with a period. While the form is still used appropriately, the flow is much smoother as you progress and all the thoughts are connected in later stanzas. This doesn't necessarily have to be changed, but I figured it was worth pointing out. The second thing I noticed was the last couplet. The first line is worded a little awkwardly. I would much rather change it to something like "Oak giants, across land, are spanned"

All in all though, wow. Easily the best Terza Rima I have ever read and a damn exceptional poem, at that. :heart:
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Student Writer
Dang, I hadn't even noticed that. I'll definitely change that up, connecting stanzas together. I'm glad you mentioned continuing the rhyme scheme as a good thing, because I debated on whether or not that was a good idea for a while.

I reworded the last couplet also. Thanks for that. :)

I wasn't sure what "rhyme end" to finish with, so to illustrate "circular chronology" in nature I finished with the same rhyme as the starting AC rhyme in the first stanza. (I thought it was cool.)

I'm flattered by the compliments and how much you appreciated this. :)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh! :giggle: I feel silly I hadn't noticed the repetition of rhyming into the last stanza. I think it's cool, too, a perfect way to end it!

You're so very welcome, this is a magnificent piece :heart:
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:iconreflectionsinwater:
reflectionsinwater Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think this is beautiful. It's full of beautiful and passionate imagery about nature. Do you mind I ask... Is this about the seasons in any way? Its really beautiful, I think you could expand on the dance imagery even more as well as the motif of light throughout the poem.

Hues of ruby scintillate from apple trees.
Butterflies like careless gypsies dance
Through wind carrying the chorus of millions' jubilee.

Just perfect. Splendid.
Reply
:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Writer
Yes, the seasons have a sort of underlying tone in that nature functions in a near-perfect chronological system. I wrote it because I was amazed at how quickly life "recovered" from a fairly large and violent storm. Like seasons, it thrives in an infinite amount of loops as a destroyer and rebirther.

That's a great idea! Ballet/dance as a more concrete motif would be lovely… My only concern would be that terse rima's rhyme builds off of each preceding stanza, so I will have quite the time trying to squeeze excess in without disturbing the structure. But I'll give it a go. I'm sure I can find some areas to slip more in.

I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Thanks for giving me some direction for improvement
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:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
absolutely beautiful
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:iconmozartsnemesis:
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
This is lovely. I love nature as well, so this speaks to me in so many ways.. just awesome. I feel like this form would be very challenging for me personally..and you did a great job with it.
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:iconthomasintheclouds:
ThomasInTheClouds Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Writer
Terza Rima is a splendid form. I fell in love with it about a year ago when I was reading from Percy Shelley (also a nature lover). I feel the best way to grow with this form is to read more of it. Search "The Triumph of Life" by Percy Shelley. It's 540 lines of perfectly crafted Terza Rima. Also, "Ode to the West Wind" is a good example of the form.

I'm glad you liked this piece, I spent a good deal of time on it. :)
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