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Literature Text
Last night I entered a house of bones bold and shameless,
Without worry and without concern.
Because in my dreams I am fearless.
When in sleep I find the courage I so yearn.
Only in peaceful slumber can I devour my devil
Without worry and without concern.
I traversed the domain of ribcages and spines with revel.
My fright is veiled in the tapestry of night.
Only in peaceful slumber can I devour my devil.
But dread dissects me in the wake of light.
In the dream, I buried fear and sat atop it like a throne.
My fright is veiled in the tapestry of night.
From the bones I built a fortified tombstone.
I laid reluctance to permanent rest.
In the dream, I buried fear and sat atop it like a throne.
I awoke and from my dream became blest.
Last night I entered a house of bones bold and shameless.
I laid reluctance to permanent rest.
Because in my dreams I am fearless.
Without worry and without concern.
Because in my dreams I am fearless.
When in sleep I find the courage I so yearn.
Only in peaceful slumber can I devour my devil
Without worry and without concern.
I traversed the domain of ribcages and spines with revel.
My fright is veiled in the tapestry of night.
Only in peaceful slumber can I devour my devil.
But dread dissects me in the wake of light.
In the dream, I buried fear and sat atop it like a throne.
My fright is veiled in the tapestry of night.
From the bones I built a fortified tombstone.
I laid reluctance to permanent rest.
In the dream, I buried fear and sat atop it like a throne.
I awoke and from my dream became blest.
Last night I entered a house of bones bold and shameless.
I laid reluctance to permanent rest.
Because in my dreams I am fearless.
Literature
Fifty
Please understand: I do not want
to want this (you).
I realized at poem nineteen-of-fifty:
You (college-borne) are a new you,
I (weaponized) am a new me,
and the new me still wants the new you.
Literature
What Soft Dreams
What soft dreams we lay -
What soft dreams, like infants put to rest -
Frightfully bare, and compromised,
Our kisses on their breasts.
We close our eyes and trust them safe,
Kept 'til break of dawn -
Forgetting that the night is fickle,
And dutifully, as long -
It safeguards some,
Covets others,
Moved by neither coin nor threat
Nor anguished mother's cry.
Literature
Still
He was waking or he was falling asleep, neither, both at once. This was a dream. This was the only thing he had ever known. It made no difference, he trailed his own body like ripples after a rock, smoothing and breaking and smoothing again.
His feet moved tirelessly, without thought. No longer human, only the Walk was real. For minutes, or for months; time was fluid and distant. Walk.
He broke and a low mountain pulled him forward. Smoothed. Broke into flatlands, into shallow water. Into the evening, into the weak dawn.
Smoothed, back into the soft yellow lights behind his eyes. Walk.
****
He was not alone. This thought came from his bo
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The form is called a terzanelle.
I discovered the form whilst exploring [link]
Your feedback is appreciated
I discovered the form whilst exploring [link]
Your feedback is appreciated
© 2012 - 2024 ThomasInTheClouds
Comments9
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Good day, I will be critiquing this for the "12 Days of Critmas" competition. I hope you don't mind.
You have created a very unique and interesting piece here, while sticking to the form's structure. This is often hard to do, and I applaud you for making a poem that makes sense as well as sticks to form.
The topic you deal with is an interesting one. I like the idea of being fearless in dreams, especially ones as you mention here regarding scary things like a house of bones. Speaking of which, I would definitely keep the title, as it draws attention and hooks the reader.
I half expected you to resume the 'frightened in the light of day' perspective when you got to the final stanza, but I like that the speaker became 'blest' because the dream gave them peace and helped them deal with some things that perhaps they couldn't face during the harsh light of day. I'm glad that you didn't resume the fear (even though you were limited by your line choice) because that would have made this piece cliché and hardly original at all. As it stands it is unique and wonderfully written.
My only concern would be adding some more punctuation. For example, the first line 'a house of bones bold and shameless' - while I know you are meaning to say that the speaker was bold and shameless, it sounds as if the bones are bold and shameless. Perhaps a comma after bones? Otherwise your punctuation is generally very good as well.
I can't see any glaring grammar errors.
All in all you have stuck to the form very well, made an original piece and written a good poem. The only thing I would watch out for is some extra punctuation that may be needed.
Jo
You have created a very unique and interesting piece here, while sticking to the form's structure. This is often hard to do, and I applaud you for making a poem that makes sense as well as sticks to form.
The topic you deal with is an interesting one. I like the idea of being fearless in dreams, especially ones as you mention here regarding scary things like a house of bones. Speaking of which, I would definitely keep the title, as it draws attention and hooks the reader.
I half expected you to resume the 'frightened in the light of day' perspective when you got to the final stanza, but I like that the speaker became 'blest' because the dream gave them peace and helped them deal with some things that perhaps they couldn't face during the harsh light of day. I'm glad that you didn't resume the fear (even though you were limited by your line choice) because that would have made this piece cliché and hardly original at all. As it stands it is unique and wonderfully written.
My only concern would be adding some more punctuation. For example, the first line 'a house of bones bold and shameless' - while I know you are meaning to say that the speaker was bold and shameless, it sounds as if the bones are bold and shameless. Perhaps a comma after bones? Otherwise your punctuation is generally very good as well.
I can't see any glaring grammar errors.
All in all you have stuck to the form very well, made an original piece and written a good poem. The only thing I would watch out for is some extra punctuation that may be needed.
Jo